MAFS season 10, episode 9

My recap of last week’s MAFS episode.

Mindy & Zach:
M&Z took the pups on a walk to some scenic stream to add ambiance while answering their dumb expert questions. Mindy, sporting a tank top and pigtail buns, tells Zach she feels loved by random thoughtful acts, like bringing her cheese sticks (which don’t seem to stick to her. She’s the size of one of my cheese-stick-loving thighs). When the question is returned to Zach, he gives her another one of his famous riddles, “if a tree falls and no one is around, is that my love language? Know what I mean?” Sure, Zach. Got it.
Mindy is dizzy from all of the circles Zach is talking, though she remains sensitive to his insensitivity, aaaaand the scene ends with Zach whistling at his dog instead of answering anything.
Zach, still living alone, skyped his sister and described his marriage status while his sister looked on with sarcasm. She seemed to sympathize with Mindy and told Zach to just give Mindy a chance.
Mindy is playing solitaire, fitting, when Zach comes over (sans cheese sticks) and over explains a card game. They show a montage of the two eating cheese (not in stick form), sushi, playing charades, and being goofy. They also had fun doing face masks like best girlfriends. At least Zach shared oxygen with Mindy in this episode, progress.
Meka & Michael:
The episode starts out with Michael helping Meka remove her weave from her head (finally), while making quick nervous comments like he tends to do. Michael informs Meka that there has been a change to his schedule now that he is turning down his “principal” job, which may or may not have existed, and accepted a new position as a director of yet another school. This did not add up to Meka, who expressed her distrust for Michael, while her hair looked like Kid n’ Play.
Meka presses Michael for the truth, and he answers her by saying he doesn’t feel comfortable with her yet..because that’s logical. He weaves a sentence that includes the phrase “emotional tapestry” which is still confusing( he must’ve borrow that one from Zach).Then they go to lunch, and Meka is looking like a fifth grade year book picture, between the bad hair, braces and glasses. Michael apologizes for the way he’s previously acted and commits to opening up moving forward. He gives Meka a box of candy as a peace offering, knowing she likes snacks, and even took into consideration her braces and what challenge that may present. (Should’ve just brought her cheese sticks, Zachs never going to get then for Mindy anyway).
Michael decides to be a yenta and talk about the Brandom/Taylor video situation, in a possible attempt to take the heat off of himself.
Michael and Meka got couple’s pedicures, and Meka realized yet a new category she didnt like about Michael; His cave man feet. Michael, noting that this date is the only time Meka had been happy, suggests they do bi-weekly pedicures, which I hope he can afford on a pretend principal’s salary.
Meka met up with Taylor to discuss their awful marriages, and comparatively, Meka seemed mature. She did not seem to agree with Taylor, and told her she should apologize.
Mr Reeeeid met up with Michael to discuss video-gate, and he puts Taylor out there by revealing that Taylor wanted to go on other reality tv shows, making her look like she only cares out her 15 minutes of fame. I guess the questions is, aren’t they all just in it for the flattummytea sponsership?!

Katie & Derek:
Chef Katie whipped up some mac and cheese cousine for her new husband, which included a dog hair for protein (that’s how we cook at my house too).
Over dinner they decided to do their stupid homework from the drunken experts. They were supposed to “take the time to have an openly raw conversation about love”, um, ok. Derek keeps up the whole “I’ve never been in love” narrative, while Katie confesses that she’s too old at the ancient age of 26 to be chasing anyone anymore.
Next up, Derek, Katie, and Katie’s dog who kind of looks like her without the freckles, are in bed discussing the redundancy of falling in love.
Katie and Derek went on a random date night to do aerial acrobatics, and had another tedious conversation on the way over. Then we got to watch them twirl around awkwardly from silks, and Katie talks about how needy and dorky her husband is, somehow eliminating herself from this category. Sure, Jan.
Katie and Derek round out the episode with another mac and cheese dinner, and discuss future places to live after decision day. Derek presents Katie with the most romantic gesture a girl could ask for, and puts her on his health insurance plan. Insurance is expensive, Katie, you better hold on to him, tight! (Especially since you’ll need more insulin after all of the wine and mac n cheese.)

Jessica & Austin:
Tonight’s homework assignment is to discuss their love history. Jessica was breezy about the subject, while Austin was a bit more defined, saying he doesnt think he can commit to the L word for at least a year. He also discusses his love language and how he expresses his love through affection, and no one really cares. Not sure why these people all have these defined timelines for things like saying “I love you” or “falling in love”. Austin better just say it, or cut his hair. No one else is going to deal with that hair.
Austie showed his love through the gesture of plugging in Jessica’s phone charger, chilvary at its finest, and then another dumb clip of them brushing their teeth together. The camera angles are not kind to Jessica, as they lay in bed discussing their emotions and who will say the L word first.
Austin and Jessica have a date to the batting cages, paying homage to Austin’s years as a baseball player. The end.

Brandon & Taylor:
Taylor and Brandon sit down on the couch to ask each other questions in an attempt to pretend they still care about being on the show. Brandon feels like Taylor is shutting down, which, gee…ya think? He feels as though she has changed towards him since Panama, which was like 25 temper tantrums ago by Mr. Reid. Brandon speaks in too much detail about the last time he fell in love, because hes just passive aggressive like that. Taylor feels he doesn’t care about spending time with her and is cheating on her with his X Box.
Taylor whips up a feast (or at least pretends to and presented takeout from Cheesecake factory), as a peace offering for Brandon. At the table, she takes a picture of her food because she lives that #instagood life, and Brandon is not a fan. Brandon tells Taylor she has had a bad attitude for the last few days and he doesnt want to deal with it, then he wastes his dinner.
Next scene is the infamous “Taylor Instagram post”. It seemed really dumb, immature, and spiteful, but…yeah that about sums this couple up. Brandon decides to move out of their love nest. Taylor didnt seem too upset, as she waltzed around her rent-free, psycho-free home in her adult onesie with her wig looking fluffier than ever. Tyson is probably the only one upset, since he lost his humping post (still the best part of the show. He deserves to get Tyson in the divorce). Dr Viviana, who may as well be a podiatrist at this point…at least she could help Michael), tunes in to Taylor to discuss this stupid IG video. While Taylor was wrong and obviously immature, the “experts” need to stop pushing her to be patient with a moody weirdo.