Love After Lockup: Season 2, Episode 5

Cheryl & Josh:
The show opened up on a high note (no, not Tracie), but the fight between Cheryl and Josh’s mother, Tina. Allegedly Cheryl’s son spilled something, and Tina tried to teach him how to clean it up. Cheryl freaked out and claimed Tina hit her, which may or may not have happened. Josh feels trapped between his toothless mother and his extra toothy fiance, and doesn’t know what to do. Hard to tell who’s telling the toof. He very calmly tells the camera that there are 2 Cheryl’s; Regular Cheryl and Mad Cheryl. It’s pretty bad when you’re supposed to be the psychologist and your multiple felon boyfriend/fiance with his shi*tty-ass castle is more logical and down to Earth.

Andrea & Lamar:
Now, I’ve never read the Book of Mormon (Though I’ve heard good things about the play). I’m assuming the part about going to the Adult Pleasure store is in the end somewhere. New testament, for sure. We had to watch Andrea and Lamar shuffle around the adult shop perusing lingerie, whips, and peacock masks. Andrea explained this shopping trip, saying that God says to be fruitful and multiply, which these types of stores aid in that very action. So technically, God gives adult stores two thumbs up!Despite all of the sexy purchases, poor Lamar is still sleeping on the couch.
Next segment, Andrea is ambushing Lamar with Mormon bible study with her religious friends, including the Leprechaun looking guy from last season. Lamar is hesitant to participate, as he feels Mormonism is a racist religion, he gets testy about their testaments, and winds up storming off leaving everyone crying. Now Andrea needs to decide which MAN she prefers; her man, or MOR-man.

Clint & Tracie:
Clint realizes he can not spend another minute away from his Goddess, so he decides to bail Tracie out for the bargain price of $5000. Clint’s poor mother is devastated by the news and refuses to support his decision. She’s going to need to bring him on her favorite show, Dr. Phil, to get through to him.
In the next scene, it’s two weeks later and Tracie has been sprung from jail, sitting in bed with Clint, dome depressed looking pets, and tons of cigarette butts in ashtrays. Clint expresses his desire for Tracie to get help with her sobriety for the sake of their codependent ridiculous relationship. Tracie agrees, and so does her hair.

Tony & Angela ( Not “Who’s The Boss”):
Angela is all gussied up for a big night out at a Mexican restaurant with her buddies. I wonder if the fajita smoke smell in her hair will counteract the cigarette smoke, or now she’ll just smell like Marlboro Fajitas. Her friends urge her to send Tony packing, or at the very least- make him sweat a bit, but Angela is too busy tracking Tony with some kind of homing device she must’ve attached to him somehow. She devises a plan to test Tony’s ability to adhere to the rules on their refrigerator contract. She tells Tony shes staying out, having a great time, when all the while she’s parked outside of her house waiting to see what he will do next. It’s a trap, Tony! Angela is clearly the boss.

Brittany & Marcelino:
Brittnay-nay and Marce swung by their lawyer’s office to discuss a new venture; Finding the 2 kids Brittany lost custody of while she was an incarcerated teen mom. She feels that she is now in a healthy and stable place in her life, and wants to pursue finding the kids. (Note that stable=being out of prison for 2 years approximately, going through a crazy custody battle with Tito aka Tuco Salimanca, giving birth to a baby girl, with another baby on the way, all while living of off her date-an-inmate husband’s poker earnings). Its going to be a long and expensive venture, one they might not be able to swing at this juncture.

Meghan Muh-Queen/ Michael/ Sarah/ New Female Maria:
Meghan met up with “B” and his high ponytail to discuss what’s been going on since Michael’s visit. Meghan tells B that since leaving, Michael ghosted her. Radio silence. She seems to know she should be done with Magic Mike and his epic forehead, but for some reason she still seems to have an attachment.
The next scene is Sarah playing with her daughters in the yard, waiting to see if Michael will bother to drop in to visit the kids from his sweatshirt. Spoiler alert: hes in town, and has his new female Maria in tow. During his interview, Michael describes how Maria is good for him because she’s mature and likes to have threesomes. Seems reasonable. Maria is patiently waiting in the hotel room, while Michael goes to see his pretty girls. Before he leaves, Maria confesses that shes spiritually married to Mike, and send him off with a scary Alien tongue gesture.
Michael lands on Sarah’s front lawn, sending poor little Aviahna into hysterics, causing everyone’s hearts to just break. Except for Michael, that is, who doesnt seem to understand why she might not feel comfortable with him, eventhough he rarely comes around.
Aviahna goes off with Sarah’s grandmother, while Sarah, Michael, and Sarah’s accent sit down to have a discussion. Michael seems to be texting the whole time (possibly sending tongue emojis to Maria….possibly recruiting more females..) while ghetto superstar Sarah tries to get the facts straight. Next week should be interesting.

Not present this week were Lacy and Shane, who were probably busy mating in the wilds of Virginia Beach.