90 Day Book Report: Season 7, Episode 2

Tania & Cinnamon:
Tania and her chaperones headed off to JFK to welcome Cinnamon to the U.S..
For some reason, she felt the need to scatter rose petals on the airport baggage claim floor to greet him, ala “Coming to America”… because NY definitely needs more garbage on the ground. Once back at the hotel, Tania’s friend gave them a time limit on “sexy time”, which seemed totally appropriate. They headed out to Times Square to show Synonym the bright lights and big city…along with flags and a banner. I cant imagine walking around Times Square blind folded..seems like the best way to get mowed down by a cab or a mob of people. Cant wait to see his reaction to their love shack.

Michael & Julianna:
In the opening scene Michael is seen at the jeweler creating a custom patriotic necklace for Julianna, who is back home in Brazil, maxing out his credit cards. I’m sure she will love a red, white and blue precious stone necklace, to go with her new car she purchased on his card.
Michael jumped on a flight to Rio to supervise Julianna’s Visa interview. Can you believe they thought this poor young girl traveling to multiple exotic countries with rich old guys on yachts was a prostitute?? The nerve! It’s called a professional friend, or high end Escort.
Michael should just stop the madness….if he wants to get married so badly, Darcy also lives in Connecticut and rumor has it – shes single. She’s age appropriate, definitely loves jewelry (probably even patriotic jewelry), and she definitely loves wine. Just sayin’…..

Anna & Metamucil:
After a romantic night in the airport- adjacent Hampton Inn , Anna and Metatarsals set off on a very flat drive through the great plains of Nebraska. Anna’s sons were there to greet him, and ask him awkward questions through the translating app. They ordered a pizza, and much like the rest of the world- Mussels hated Little Caesars. (I live in NY, I’m a pizza snob, I cant blame the man). Anna’s kids are already pulling the “you cant tell me what to do” shtick within the first hour of meeting. As if angsty kids and crappy pizza wasn’t a welcome enough, Anna then shelpped him to a sports bar to meet her frizzy mother. Anna’s mom was concerned that Mursels was going to throw rocks at Anna if she drank beer, which must be some fun new drinking game I’ve never heard of.You’d think either:
A. Going to meet her new potential son in law B. Going out for dinner, or C. Being filmed for television would all have been excellent inspiration for her to dress up a bit or brush her hair, but no such luck. I was very distracted by the things over her eyes, does anyone know what those were? She did however bring up a valid point that Metamucil was hiding the fact that Anna has kids from his family, and that could potentially be a problem.

Robert & Anny:
I take it back…at first I felt like Robert reminded me of Daryl from The Office, but now it’s clear that he sounds just like Tracy Morgan.
Anywho, Robert met up with his Dominican friend who has insider info, claiming Dominican women are gold diggers and that Robert should be wary of Anny. Maybe she is a gold digger, but day care is expensive, so I’m sure it’ll even out.
Robert headed to the airport to pick up Anny Poppins, who floated down the escalator in her stretch denim jumpsuit, like a spoonful of sugar. They headed home to their one bedroom and one bed apartment. Why Robert doesn’t have a bed for Bryson is beyond me. If he can pay for an imported nanny, he can get the kid a bed at IKEA. Poor Anny Poppins just wants to have jiggy-jiggy but that’s not looking promising any time soon. She may just have to go fly a kite instead.

Masha, Sasha, Boris & Natasha:
On this episode of Russian Sister Wives…Emily decides she needs to meet her baby daddy’s ex wife like 5 minutes before shes about to give birth. Between the language barrier and Masha’s overbite, it was an awkward situation. Masha seemed to have some pretty negative feelings towards men, except for when she stroked Sasha’s arm and told him she didn’t want him to go….that was questionable. I’m pretty sure that’s what made Emily feel “dizzy”.